ach_sss_no

Livebloggy notes while reading The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien, chapter 16 & 17. These are notes I'm making in the process of assembling a proper chapter-by-chapter review of the book. There was some indication of interest in seeing a liveblog-style thing when I asked on Tumblr, so I'm posting my notes.

The dwarves remain besieged. They spend their days playing with the gold while Thorin hunts for the Arkenstone.

Bilbo keeps it in his pocket and says nothing.

The hundred fifty year raven turns up and says that: dwarven reinforcements are coming but this plan hasn’t stopped being a bad idea. Thorin doesn’t care that his plan is a bad idea.

So then Bilbo mildly bamboozles Bombur and sneaks out to parley with Thranduil and Bard. He gives them the Arkenstone so they can try to buy off Thorin with it. He leaves on good terms and says hello to Gandalf on the way (he came back from buying a carton of milk at the store), and…

And the chapter’s already over so I may as well keep going.

The next morning, Thranduil and Bard (and Gandalf in disguise) turn up and try to trade the Arkenstone for a chunk of the other treasure. Thorin asks where they got that and Bilbo says he gave it to them.

This goes well:

"You! You!" cried Thorin, turning upon him and grasping him with both hands. "You miserable hobbit! You undersized-burglar!" he shouted at a loss for words, and he shook poor Bilbo like a rabbit.

...

"Here is Gandalf! And none too soon it seems. If you don't like my Burglar, please don't damage him. Put him down, and listen first to what he has to say!"

Gandalf: Oh no don’t do that, don't kill bilbo, please, that would be dreadful please don't do it *doesn’t physically intervene*

"Dear me! Dear me!" said Bilbo. "I am sure this is all very uncomfortable. You may remember saying that I might choose my own fourteenth share? Perhaps I took it too literally –1 have been told that dwarves are sometimes politer in word

than in deed.

Bilbo is getting snarkier. He has very nearly reached his final form also isn't THRANDUIL the one who told him that, Thranduil 'One Million Years Dungeon' Elf-king?

Thorin says Bard and Thranduil can have Bilbo’s share of the treasure in exchange for the Arkenstone and Bilbo gets nothing.

"They may indeed," said Thorin. And already, so strong was the bewilderment of the treasure upon him, he was pondering whether by the help of Dain he might not recapture the Arkenstone and withhold the share of the reward.

I think someone else tried to renege on a deal with Bilbo back in chapter 5 and it didn’t go well for him.

Then Dain and his dwarf army show up.

Their beards were forked and plaited and thrust into their belts.

This is the second time I think that we’ve heard of the beards being tucked into the belt (presumably to keep them from getting in the way while fighting) and that means these beards are at least waist-length. There’s been a weird trend somewhat recently of depicting dwarves with practically just stubble. I understand that you want your hot actors’ faces to be visible, but on the other hand, why depict dwarves at all then? A dwarf with no beard is like a hobbit with no foot fur. So it’s like the Gollumized version of a dwarf. Good job.

Anyway the dwarf army has to get through Bard and his army in order to join Thorin (and start fighting Bard and his army, presumably), and Bard won’t let them through because he suspects if he does he will get no money. We have been clued in that he is in fact completely correct.

Bard suggests attacking the dwarves, but Thranduil says he thinks it’s too soon to start killing each other over gold. The dwarves start attacking, though, but then a big dark cloud comes in and Gandalf jumps out and yells ‘IT’S GOBLINS! THEY HAVE A BLOOD FEUD WITH DAIN!’

Oh, okay, the fifth army is the wolves that followed the goblins.

The men, elves and dwarves all band together because the goblins/orcs are a real threat and not just trying to hold onto some gold.

And now I owe the late Professor ~~John Ronald Reuel~~ Jolkien Rolkien Rolkien Tolkien a sincere apology because Bilbo does not actually go unconscious for the entire battle, we see most of it and it’s really well written. ‘Bilbo missed the whole thing’ is more of a meme and not a real thing.

Misery me! I have heard songs of many battles, and I have always understood that defeat may be glorious. It seems very uncomfortable, not to say distressing.

Then the Eagles show up and…

…this is the part where he does go unconscious

OFFSCREEN BATTLES: 4

That’s the grand total for the book. And the end of the chapter.