The Hobbit - Ramble - Ep 9

[ach_sss_no]

Livebloggy notes while reading The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien, chapter 9. These are notes I'm making in the process of assembling a proper chapter-by-chapter review of the book. There was some indication of interest in seeing a liveblog-style thing when I asked on Tumblr, so I'm posting my notes. 

 

The day after the battle with the spiders Bilbo and the dwarves made one last despairing effort to find a way out before they died of hunger and thirst.

 

In between reading this book, I have also been reading a nonfiction book about the travesty that was the British search for the Northwest Passage and how a lot of people starved to death in the Arctic. It's called 'The Man Who Ate His Boots', it’s a horrifying account and makes me more sympathetic to Thorin ‘we were starving in the foest’ Oakenshield and his buddies.

 

As the dwarves are wandering, the elves pop out and arrest them. The dwarves go along with it because at least they’ll get food, but Bilbo, whose inventory includes “common sense” and “invisibility ring”, slips away and retains his freedom. 

 

Long and searchingly he questioned the dwarves about their doings, and where they were going to, and where they were coming from; but he got little more news out of them than out of Thorin. They were surly and angry and did not even pretend to be polite.

 

That’s okay, Thranduil isn’t pretending to be polite either. 

 

"What have we done, O king?" said Balin, who was the eldest left. "Is it a crime to be lost in the forest, to be hungry and thirsty, to be trapped by spiders? Are the spiders your tame beasts or your pets, if killing them makes you angry?"

No he has a point. I'm with Balin. I appreciate Balin. I'm starting to really like Balin. I haven't obviously been going line by line in the book so I don't know how much I've mentioned Balin but he's a sharp, respectable guy who seems to be genuinely doing his best. He has never dropped Bilbo on the floor of a murdergoblin cave and has never threatened to execute another dwarf for insubordination. He's a good guy.

 

Bilbo ends up trapped in a weird limbo where he’s hanging out invisibly in the Wood-elf realm. He uses this time to scout the place, bring messages among the dwarves, figure out that Thorin is there too, and eventually discover Wine River and Barrels. These elves like wine so much they’ve assembled a complicated wine supply chain. 

 

It must be potent wine to make a wood-elf drowsy; but this wine, it would seem, was the heady vintage of the great gardens of Dorwinion

 

So the people in charge of the dungeons pass out on what is apparently horse-tranquilizer-strength wine.

I think I recall a complaint about the movies re: Legolas can drink whatever Gimli's drinking and feel no effect but the elves in The Hobbit pass out on wine? Far be it from me to defend most of the movies' decisions, but that one is supported by the text. It's explicitly Crazy Punch-You-Out Mega Wine that they're drinking here in Mirkwood. This is advanced wine.

Anyway once they're passed out on advanced wine Bilbo steals the keys. He assembles all of the dwarves, saying ‘I have a plan just trust me’ when they ask how they’re getting out of there, and it’s very funny because I know where this is going. Barrels. All the dwarves are going in barrels. They aren’t happy about it, but the alternative is prison forever.

 

Bilbo is such a pal that he gives the drunk elf-guard his keys back before leaving.

 

It was just at this moment that Bilbo suddenly discovered the weak point in his plan. Most likely you saw it some time ago and have been laughing at him; but I don't suppose you would have done half as well yourselves in his place.

 

Hey you're right, no I wouldn’t. I would not have survived to this point. If I had somehow managed to get past the trolls I would have gotten a game-over in Gollum’s cave. I made fun of Bilbo for needing the fish to pop up and saying ‘time’ by accident and all, but I wouldn’t have even solved that first riddle about the mountain.

 

That said, Bilbo has a pretty significant problem: He’s not in a barrel. He has to grab on to one. 

 

clinging to the wood like a rat
 

The Infinite Indignities of Bilbo Baggins

 

The situation of being stuck to a barrel in the cold river is comical but it does sound absolutely miserable as well.  At least he gets to sneak onshore a little later and steal some food. This is amusingly described with 

wherever he tried to hide he was found out by the terrific explosions of his suppressed sneezes. Very soon there was a fine commotion in the village by the riverside; but Bilbo escaped into the woods carrying a loaf and a leather bottle of wine and a pie that did not belong to him.

The chapter ends soon after; SITUATION:

Bilbo on barrel

Dwarves inside barrels

Bilbo spent the night outside in the open air consoling himself with stolen wine (fortunately it's not Mirkwood wine, a substance which sounds potentially lethal)

Dwarves spent the night… in barrels

 

I don’t want to dwell on this because Tolkien seems to have intentionally chosen not to and I don’t want to bring things down to a vulgar level but GUYS?! There are no airplane bathrooms in those barrels or anything. I think it’s been twelve hours in barrels at this point? Maybe more. They are going to smell  s o   b a d

 

Whenever you feel down about life, just remember: At least a hobbit didn’t put you in a barrel and then run off to steal a pie that does not belong to him.